well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize