Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
