Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
