Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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