In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
