He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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