Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize