Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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