shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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