Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
