I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Someone came in the potted fern
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
