I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
