Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
