I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
