Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
