everyone is single if you try hard enough
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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