yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
