She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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