Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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