Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
