I'm drive I can fine osifer
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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