NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
