I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
