If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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