hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
