u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize