May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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