ugly people sure do ruin things
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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