Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
