screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
