maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
