i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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