Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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