we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
