my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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