farters have to be the big spoon...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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