Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
