I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
