You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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