I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
