New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
