I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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