It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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