and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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