Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
