Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
