my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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