brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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