If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i don't like sucking hair
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
