I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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