Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
