I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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