this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
MIDGETS
????
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
