So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
