you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
