i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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