at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize