My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
