I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
