He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
