I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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