This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
