you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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