Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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