where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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