where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
