oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize