I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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