I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
