I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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