He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
