I think i peed on brittanys purse
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
