u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
