Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
